


Nothing like being held, even if it’s because you almost died

by StuckyandStarWars



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: A little fluffy, Essek has a crush, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Near Death, POV Essek Thelyss, Poison, Shadowgast, Yearning, thoughts of feelings but no actual relationship, touch starved
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-13
Updated: 2020-10-13
Packaged: 2021-03-07 19:40:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,236
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26983027
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StuckyandStarWars/pseuds/StuckyandStarWars
Summary: During one of their many solitary study nights Essek has some bad (definitely poisoned) wine and Caleb’s presence in his home is even more appreciated than usual.
Relationships: Essek Thelyss & Caleb Widogast
Comments: 8
Kudos: 121





	Nothing like being held, even if it’s because you almost died

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, welcome to this quick little thing! I’m not sure where it would take place in the canon timeline but that doesn’t really matter. I hope you enjoy!

Essek took another small sip of the wine. It was late and he had stopped working, switching to a book for pleasure while Caleb continued to dutifully copy the spells he had been taught that day, but it still felt wrong to be so relaxed and casual in what was supposed to be a learning environment. His student had a glass of wine next to him too but he wasn’t drinking any of it. He was too focused. And quite beautifully, too. His hair was messed and falling in his face and his eyes were trained on the symbols he was copying. 

_ Alright _ . Essek thought.  _ There goes your one inappropriate thought about him for the day _

Still he had to force himself to look away by standing up to search for a different book. When he stood he felt his stomach churn and a brief wave of nausea sweep through him, but he knew that a cup and a half of wine on an empty stomach always messed with his body. He put the book he had been reading back on the shelf and started browsing for another one when he was hit with more dizzying sickness. This time it felt less like a wave and more like a bull impaling him on its horn. He grabbed the shelf for support and blinked away sudden tears. He really needed to eat. 

He looked back to the shelf and saw double his usual amount of books. He didn’t truly start worrying until they shimmered like a heat mirage. He blinked hard and brought his world back into focus in time to hear Caleb finish a thought.

“That is good for today. Ah, thank you for the wine, I didn’t even notice-“

“No!” Essek whipped around and lurched forward. He had realized what was happening.

“No?” He had the glass centimeters from his lips, but he pulled it back and stared with new worry in his eyes. “Are you alright?”

“Don’t drink it it’s-“ his vision swam and his voice wavered. “It’s poisoned.”

That was the last thing he managed to say before his legs turned to complete goo and he collapsed onto his hands and knees. He could feel bile in his throat, he could feel gripping pain in his chest and he could feel Caleb's soft hands on his shoulders. He could feel all of this but the only thing he could think was  _ don’t you dare throw up on this carpet. _

“Essek?” The voice was very far away. “ _ Scheißen _ Essek where are your antidotes? Essek!”

Caleb was trying his hardest to get Essek to look at him. To say anything. But the second Essek tried he had to push him back and turn away so he could throw up on the nice, expensive carpet and not into Caleb's lap. Out of the corner of his eye he could see Caleb get up and rush to one of the shelves across the room.

_ Yes _ he tried to say, but no words came out.  _ The blue bottle on the left. Get the blue bottle on the left _

Then he remembered all of his labels were in undercommon. He watched Caleb run a hand through his hair and start trying to read them more intently. He was muttering in Zemnian and common, no doubt cursing, and glancing back at Esseks useless body every few seconds. 

Essek was finding it harder and harder to breathe, but through sheer determination he was able to stumble to his feet. With the help of a side table pushed against the wall he took steps towards the potion cabinet before falling again. This time he fell into Caleb. The humans arms were steady and stayed wrapped around his waist as they shuffled towards the shelves. With a shaking hand Essek reached for the blue and silver swirling antidote, but Caleb's pale one grabbed it before he could.

With one hand on his back and one hand supporting his head Caleb lowered him against the wall, waiting until he was fully steadied to remove them and uncork the bottle. Essek reached for it but Caleb beat him to it once again and tipped the cold glass to his lips. Most of the antidote ended up in his mouth. A good amount ended up on his chin and shirt, but he swallowed more than half of it.

As the pain and sickness began to slowly subside Essek noticed the position they had fallen into. His hands were locked in a tight grip on both of Caleb's forearms and he had fallen forward against the humans chest. One of Caleb’s hands was pulling his head closer while the other was rubbing comforting circles on his back. They were both panting heavily and Essek was wracked with uncontrollable shivers that shook his whole body. He wasn’t sure how long they sat there before he eventually managed to sit up against the wall. 

Caleb was looking at him so intensely that Essek couldn’t meet his eyes. 

“Are you… are you okay?”

He nodded, albeit unconvincingly. “I think that might have been an assaination attempt.” His voice was horrible. Dry and weak. “I think someone just tried to kill me.”

Caleb sat back straighter and more alert and cased the room. “Where did you get that bottle?”

“It was a gift. From my  _ mother _ .” He hesitated. “No. We don’t get along but she wouldn’t try to kill me.”  _ Would she? No. Absolutely not. _ He couldn’t think like that. He was talking about his own mother.

Caleb must have seen the pained look on his face because he leaned back in and put a hand on Esseks arm. 

“If this was an attempt on your life they might still be after you.”

He tried his absolute hardest not to look as deeply terrified as he felt, but he was too tired to make his face stoic, so he just looked away. 

“Thank you. For being here, for  _ saving _ me.”  _ I would be dead without you. _

“I mean.” Caleb smiled. “You would have just been put into the soul soup, right? You’d be back sooner or later.”

Essek cringed. He forgot he had lied to them, told them he was Consecuted.  _ Now is as good a time as ever _ .

“No, actually. I,“  _ fuck _ “I am not Consecuted. I’m not powerful enough for that yet, respected enough for that yet.” 

Caleb nodded. “Well that’s worse then. I’m glad I was here too.” He was surprised but extremely relieved that Caleb didn’t seem to care much about his lie. “But not powerful enough? Aren't you the Shadowhand?”

He chuckled weakly. “You all still do not know what my job is, do you?” Caleb looked at him expectantly. He glanced down at his own lap and lost track of what he was going to say. “ _ Fuck _ .” He cursed in undercommon. “I am a mess.” 

He started trying to stand and immediately remembered why he was on the floor in the first place. His knees shook and he leaned heavily on the wall. Caleb seemed to forget his question and reached out for him again, standing up himself. 

“Easy. Can you stand at all?” Essek nodded but Caleb didn’t let go of his arm. “Which way is your room?”

“It’s down the hallway to the left.”

Caleb started helping him inch along towards the door. They stopped when he tripped and had to catch himself, and Essek noticed the pool of bile on the floor. Almost as an instinctual reaction to a mess he raised his hand and cast Prestidigitation. The second the magic energy left his fingertips his vision went completely black.

He woke up what could have only been a few moments later with Caleb crouched over him. He sighed in relief as Essek opened his eyes. 

“Oh,  _ Gott sei Dank _ .” He breathed. “Don’t scare me like that. And don’t try to cast anything.”

“What-?”

“You passed out. Just for a second.”

He closed his eyes. If he couldn’t even cast quite possibly the most simple spell he knew without blacking out there was no way he could defend himself if someone attacked. 

“Come on.” Caleb helped him back to his feet. Essek had lost count of how many times this had happened that evening. “Slowly.”

And it was slow. Agonizingly so. It took them around fifteen minutes to get to Esseks bedroom, which was not that far from the study. Caleb had to cast floating lights to be able to see properly through the dark hallway, but it made it harder for Essek’s sensitive eyes. Not that he would say anything. When they made it there and he finally sat down on his soft sheets he let out a loud, tired sigh and closed his eyes. They snapped open again when he felt Caleb's now familiar hands undoing the buttons of his shirt. He jerked backwards with an involuntary gasp. Caleb immediately withdrew and took a step away. 

“I apologize. I should have asked. I am so sorry if I crossed a line.” He stared at the floor. 

“No. I just wasn’t expecting it.” Still, he continued undoing the rest of them. Inviting Caleb back to finish would not be a correct read of the room. 

Caleb hadn’t actually crossed any lines. In fact, it was exactly what Essek had wanted for months now. Just not now, when he was far too weak to act on anything and far too tired to tell if Caleb actually wanted the same things he did. As he thought about the gentle brush of soft hands against his own skin he realized that the last few… minutes? Hours? However long it had been was the most intimate he had been with a person in as long as he could remember. Maybe even ever. Despite the fear and pain that had been overwhelmingly present that evening he wanted to feel that connection with Caleb again. He wanted to lean his head against his chest and be held like someone cared about him, like someone loved-

_ Stop. You can’t go there. Do not let yourself go there. _

“You should… you should go home before any of your friends worry.” He choked down his feelings. He was far too tired to deal with this anyway. 

“Essek-“ he turned back from where he had looked away, but still averted his eyes from Esseks now bare chest. 

“Really. I’ll be fine.” He reached for the robe at the foot of his bed and put it on. If only to make Caleb more comfortable.

Caleb didn’t look like he believed that for a second. “Are you sure?”

He nodded. “I have books in here as well as some lower priority work I need to finish. He gestured at the desk in the corner. “Tomorrow I’ll go to the guard, or maybe the queen, and tell them what happened.”

“Work? You need to sleep. You’re dead on your feet.”

“And I am exhausted. But I truthfully don’t think I will be able to rest after that.”  _ Not with the threat of an assassin in my mind _ . “I will be fine alone.”

He stood back up to walk Caleb at least to his bedroom door. He was a little unsteady but overall he managed to keep his footing and did not take the support Caleb offered him. No matter how much he wanted the contact again. 

“No, no. Sit down. I’m staying.”

“Caleb, truly-“

“ _ Nien _ , Essek. If you wouldn’t be able to sleep because you’re scared- which is fine- being awake won’t do much better. Not in your state. You need rest. And I can stay and make sure that you’ll have someone here if anything happens.”

“I can’t ask you to do that.”

“You’re not. Now lay down, get under the covers, I’ll be right here.”

He wanted to argue but he was incredibly grateful that Caleb had seen through his lie, so instead of putting up a fight he sat back down. Caleb turned towards one of the bookshelves against the opposite wall and picked one while Essek put the robe back on the foot of his bed and finished undressing. 

It felt weird, even still in his underclothes and concealed by the sheets, to be this close to naked with Caleb in the room. He pulled the sheet up much further than usual. Caleb took the chair to the left of the bed, a big and very comfortable armchair that was easy to sleep in should he not be able to stay awake. He looked quite tired too and Essek wouldn’t blame him if he nodded off. Caleb waved his hand and the globes of light vanished. He knew this meant Caleb was now in complete darkness, even if Essek could still see. 

“You can keep them on if you need them.”

“No, I know they hurt your eyes. I was thinking I could read to you to help you sleep, but I have plenty of stories memorized if you still want something like that.”

“That isn’t necessary.” He reconsidered. “Uh, actually, that would be very nice.”

“Alright. Just try to get some rest.”

And so he fell into his trance to the sound of Caleb’s thick, beautiful accent telling him a story. Maybe it wasn’t the best way to get there, but he found himself incredibly comfortable. He would have to think about who was trying to kill him tomorrow. 

  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> So this could easily have more to it (I even set up an ooh who did the poison?) but I don’t think it’s going to. I hope y’all enjoyed what it was though because I’ve had this idea for months and this is probably the fifth re-writing of it.


End file.
